How often have you received a NO for one or more of these questions or requests?
Several times? What do we start feeling when the ‘door’ of ‘No’ is closed on us? Our feelings open up — embarrassment, anger, sadness, irritation..! And that’s quite natural.
And why do we feel what we do? Some of our needs are not met because of the NO. Let us look at all the four examples mentioned above.
Varun’s wife, the two students and the employee wanted to meet their own needs through a request to the other person. But they heard a NO. When their needs were not met, they might have felt one or more of the following emotions: Embarrassment, anger, sadness, irritation!!
What next, then? How can these emotions be managed? How can the underlying needs be met?
Before answers to these questions are sought, let’s pause and ask the following questions:
While they said ‘No’ to the requests, they said ‘Yes’ to something else. They said ‘Yes’ to their own needs.
When you are able to think through the ‘Yes’ behind the ‘No’, you can work your way through situations. So what’s next… after identifying the ‘Yes’ behind the ‘No’? What about our needs? What about our emotions?
For that, you need to wait for the sequel to this blog! Till then, keep journal-ing the “Yeses’ behind the ‘Nos’ you hear.
Mathangi R
Teacher
Ekya J P Nagar.
Credits: Subha Parthasarathy, Magichive, JP Nagar, for her course on ‘Non-violent Communication’ which opened up this perspective for me.
A best friend is someone who makes you laugh... even when you think you will never smile again.There are many people who come into your life but only a special few make a place in your heart. They leave their imprints deep within you and make memories that last forever. They create special moments with you and paradoxically make fun of you like no one else. They are your one-point source for honest opinions and advice… even when you don’t ask for it! Unfortunately, you still can’t imagine life without them. They are ‘God’s gift that annoys you ad infinitum’ aka best friends. Best friends are the ones closest to you. They know every single thing about you whether it’s bad, good or silly. They always support you and are the most amazing cheerleaders that you can ever find. The best part is that they are completely FREE! I’m joking, they are the most valuable people you could ever find in your life. Just their presence can light up your day. I feel best friends are like yarn: together they create the warmest space and even when they are far apart, they are still connected to you. It isn’t about how well off the person is or how good they look, it’s about the connection you make with them after spending time together. It is about how they make you feel… happy, relevant, strong and enough for this disheartening world. Their love and support is what gets you through the hardest times in your life. They are your favourite “Hello” and your hardest “Goodbye”! They are a part of you and the chosen family you thank God for every single day. There isn’t a single exchange that goes by without an extraordinary memory being made. From all the inside jokes to all the madness, they make life slightly more bearable. And this isn’t a phase-only experienced in school, it is one thing that will last your entire life. No matter what age you are at, you always have that one person you share EVERY SINGLE thing with. Best friends don’t have a perfect age, time or place; they are always there, thankfully. Many a time, while conversing with my best friend, I realise that we sound completely crazy. We talk about everything and nothing. We start with a simple topic and end up talking about something completely different. But there is something that always happens, we lose track of time and solve all our problems. There is no end to our conversations. None of us stop to think about topics, it just flows out effortlessly and that is the best thing in the entire world. Lastly, I would like to say that no matter what happens, keep such people close to you. They are like your personal sounding board… one that listens, gives advice if required and stops you from doing things you will regret. Not only do you need them, they too need you. We often don’t realise their value until we lose them. They are the ones who celebrate when you are at your best and are still there with you during your worst times. They are the treasures of life; NEVER EVER LET THEM GO…
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